According to licensed marriage and family therapists. The way we grow up in childhood can significantly impact our romantic relationships. It doesn’t necessarily mean your relationships were not successful. Our relationship with our parents plays a significant role in how we treat our partners, how they receive and express our love, and how others respond in stressful situations.
Six different love styles were gathered, and we hope you can use this book to help you decide how to love and be loved.
Happy people were raised by controlling, judgmental, or bad-tempered parents. You might be a pleaser if your parents were always judging you for something that you did or if they showed love only when you earned a good school grade.
Acceptable people seek acceptance and validation. They always put the happiness of others before their own. You may be a pleaser if you lack initiative and are indecisive.
The victims were raised in chaotic homes by their abusive and rough parents. They were not comfortable being talked about or noticed. Instead, they learned to live with the unimaginable. Some of these children would create an entire inner world to escape the harsh realities of their abusive world.
Adults can feel disinterested and uneasy as they age. They may find themselves in a relationship where they have to abide by their partner’s needs as much as their parents.
Control is essential for controllers because it allows them to forget the tender emotions that they experienced as children. They use this control to protect themselves from fear, embarrassment, and powerlessness. Anger is one of their “safe” emotions, so they tend to stick with it to control them.
They become strong-willed and rigid as they mature and find a partner. They are more likely to depend on their abilities than on their partner, and they are less likely to seek help.
The vacillator was raised by unsteady parents, who were unpredictable, unreliable, and inconsistent in their children’s expressions of love and warmth. As a child, if your parents promised you something, and they didn’t keep it, you may feel abandoned.
You are a grown-up, and you want to have a stable, dependable relationship. This is something you may not have had as a child. Vacillators are in search of the perfect partner and don’t like being abandoned. They can feel disappointed and bitter because love is not perfect.
They learned to rely on themselves as they grew up and were used to not having much affection from their parents. They learned from their parents that being emotionally was not the same thing as being weak, and it is best to rely upon themselves.
Adults tend to suppress their emotions, avoid asking for help, and are reluctant to tell others what they need. They may not want to be close and intimate with their partner, making them seem isolated, detached, and unattached.
Secure connectors are able to give and take easily in relationships. They have a stable, healthy way of sharing their faults and strengths with their partner without being rude.
They can share their feelings with their partner without any difficulty. Because they learned from their parents to resolve disputes and accept responsibility for their actions, this is what they do. Secure connectors are comfortable disagreeing and establishing boundaries. They also enjoy trying new things. A secure connector will often ask for your support and help if you’re there.